Ultimate Forgiveness

                   My story begins as a little girl.  I was brought into my Mother and Father's bed by my Father for him to ''mess around'' with me.  I was probably 3 as I was able to talk sentences and ''tell on Daddy''.  This behavior continued until I was 16 years of age.  My Mother knew about this behavior and there were always HUGE fights and after the fight I would get beaten for opening my mouth.  I had the chance to leave the house at 16 by getting married to a young man I had met where I was working at the time.

                    Throughout the years my marriages, 2 of them, failed as I could not have a ''normal'' relationship.  I had been divorced for 25 years when my Father called me at my home. My Father is not one to call a person on the phone much less his own daughter.  He had been sick and my little brother, Gary, was to take care of Daddy.  I took care of Mother for 10 years of my life until she passed in her home as was her wish.  When Mother passed I told Gary it was ''his turn''.  Gary did not know how to care for another person and that is when Daddy called me.  Daddy had a tumor on the back of his left hand that was 1 pound.  You read that right, the tumor was 1 pound, it was round with dead tissue inside of it and it was taking all of Daddy's nutrients out of his body.  Daddy looked terribly ill and fraile and he was only 75 at the time.  I finally got him into the hospital to have the tumor removed.  Keeping in mind that when I was taking care of Mother, Daddy was watching all that I did for her and how I cared for her.  In ''holding'' which is the last room a patient goes into before the surgery suite Daddy asked me this; ''Will you take care of me like you took care of Momma?''  I thought about all the HATE, ANGER, HURT, ADVERSION towards him in that very second.  I said; "Of course Daddy, I will do that for you".       Once Daddy was out of surgery and recovery I went straight to his house.

                      There at the house I looked around as I had not been there in years because I did not want to deal with Daddy.  I then got on my knees as I KNEW I had to pray and pray hard to forgive my very own Father for sexually abusing me for so many years.  My HEAVENLY FATHER is AWESOME.  HE knew how badly I was hurt by this man yet my HEAVENLY FATHER took away all the HATE, ANGER, HURT and ADVERSION towards my human Father.  For the next 4 years thereafter I took care of my Daddy like I took care of my Mother, out of love, until he passed in his bed peacefully.

                                                 Donna R. Erlandson